New Beginning

I know that there's really no way to be prepared for motherhood/parenthood. There are many classes, literature, audio recordings, seminars, etc available to help one prepare to the best of abilities, but I don't think it's possible to be 'completely prepared' to have a child. Luckily our feelings of desire and longing to raise a child generally overpower feelings of inadequacy, thus we proceed, and multiply and replenish the earth.

I grew up babysitting. I must have been good too because I got calls many times a week. (possibly my clients just knew I didn't have much of a life and would be the only one available, but I really like to think otherwise! :) I loved it and I grew to love the children I tended. (Jack was almost named after my favorite little boy that I feel like I secondhandedly raised, but Kayli beat me to the punch.) I have known all my life that if I was given the chance, motherhood would be my greatest calling and would take first priority over other various paths in my life. When the appropriate time came, I felt ready. Even though I knew in my heart that motherhood couldn't be something learned in a class, I at least felt prepared to take on the challenges it would bring. I certainly have had some ups and downs, but my kids truly have given me a happiness and fulfillment that's unlike anything I've ever experienced. It's a motherly love and bond beyond words that cannot be fully understood until a woman becomes a mother herself.

Having said that, I have come to a point in my journey that I wasn't prepared for. It may sound silly or whiny, but my kids have been presenting me with some major mental challenges. Their recent behavior is mostly due to their ages, but I feel like it's taking a toll on them, me, Jess, and our family life in general. I'm sure their behavior is nothing atypical, (whining, crying, tantrums, constantly telling me 'no', bickering between each other to name a few) it's just part of the package of raising a 2 and 3 year old. However, I have felt myself wearing down. I've become this person that I don't want to be. Someone who has resulted to throwing adult tantrums (an oxymoron-adults don't throw tantrums, right?!?) and who feels tired, stressed, irritable, inadequate, and just not myself. After surfing the net, an overstock order, and a visit to the library, this is my hopeful solution residing on my nightstand.

Spiritual enlightenment first, if not to find a tangible solution, at least to feel uplifted and better prepared emotionally to face my day.

I've never read this but it had some good reviews. Any comments or opinions of this book and audio cd would be welcomed and appreciated.

Although I've read this before, I'm at a new phase that I wasn't going through before, thus I wasn't paying attention to the solutions I need now. I also purchased the dvd so Jess and I can watch it together. It helps immensely when we are both on the same page.
(I HIGHLY recommend this book, btw!)

I have to end on a positive note and say that everything has it's opposite and such is the case here as well. My kids truly are the light of my life. They still make me laugh everyday and bring me deep, genuine happiness. This is why I've brought up the negative, in hopes of finding a solution that will allow even more happiness to shine through.

Seriously, who couldn't love these precious faces!





PS- This movie for Jayci has also made it's way into our house courtesy of the Orem Library PERC (parent educational resource center). I'm not sure I'm ready to do this again! Wish us luck!