New Focus

*This happened on Monday (5/16/11), I am just now getting around to finishing and posting it. 

I had a very scary, humbling experience today.   I hesitate to even share it because I still feel strong guilt, but as an outcome I had some sweet reflections and experiences that have left me deeply grateful, so I'm recording it.

After dropping Jack off at school today I came home to nurse Alex while Jayci finished cleaning her room.  She and I finished at about the same time so I sent her in the kitchen to color while I changed Alex's diaper.   For some odd reason Alex loves to be on his changing table.  He almost never fusses when he's laying up there, just kicks and smiles alot, and today was no exception.  He was happy as could be to be there and gave me lots of sweet smiles.  When I finished changing him I made the biggest, most obviously stupid mistake a caregiver to an infant can make.  I left him there, alone, unbuckled, to take out the diaper.

Then came the distractions.  I noticed our lunch dishes and started to load the dishwasher, all the while Jayci was begging me to color with her, so then I sat to color.  I got as far as coloring Strawberry Shortcake's hair when Jess called me to see how we were doing.  It was mid conversation when I heard the thud that dropped my heart to my stomach.  In that instant I knew exactly what had happened and was cruelly reminded of my mistake.  No one else was in the bedroom end of the house except my 8 week old baby.  Immediately jumping up, the only word I could form and utter repeatedly in my panic (not so proud of this either) was a four letter word that starts with sh. I ran down the hall and paused briefly in Alex's doorway, my eyes fixed upon the empty changing table, even though I already knew where he was.

His tiny body was face down at the head of the changing table.  He was screaming.  I burst into tears as I scooped him to my chest.  At some point I had hung up on Jess and he was calling me back, so I answered and blubbered, "Alex fell off his changing table!"  Then my sweet husband said he'd be there in just a minute, hung up, and about one minute later was by my side (he was already driving in the area).  Together we held, soothed, and snuggled our precious baby, while assessing him top to bottom, eventually determining that he was alright.

I have close friends and family members who have had babies accidentally fall from much shorter heights and ended up with broken bones or worse.  Today I am thankful for the guardian angels who were with my baby when I failed to be there.  Moments like these always make me reflect on what could have happened, and I'm thankful that he fell exactly right to avoid injury.  Because of the way he was positioned on the floor we figured he fell backwards, head first, back-flipped through the air and landed flat on his stomach.  Had he not flipped all the way, he would have landed on his head.  Had his body not been straight he would have landed on delicate shoulders or limbs.  Had he not had enough momentum he could have been too close to the table and hit his head or face on the sharp-edged lip that juts out at the bottom.

I'm thankful for a Heavenly Father who trusts me with his precious children, even though I am an imperfect human who makes daily mistakes.  At night I always pray for angels to surround and protect my babies while they are alone in their rooms and I'm grateful this answered prayer!  Most of all I'm grateful for these precious children who are so quick to forgive!  Alex was quickly soothed by nursing and then was all smiles when he'd see my face.  Thankfully no harm was done but lessons were learned.  This was a profound reminder to stay focused.  To avoid distractions.  I have priceless reasons...