I'm finally sitting down, attempting to put to words our amazing weekend. As I type I have 'Jon Schmidt Radio' playing on Pandora, lulling my sweet newborn into restfulness. He, like his mama, is calmed by soft piano music. Here's the story of his entrance into this world.
On Thursday, March 18, I had an appointment with my midwife. It was an appointment I was strongly hoping I'd never reach, as I was almost 49 weeks and had already past 2 big milestones in this pregnancy, the days that Jack and Jayci would have been born. Even though I was still 8 days away from my due date, I was feeling somewhat cheated and overdue. Besides being so large, uncomfortable, and mentally overdue, I had other reasons for wanting to have this baby early. My brother and his wife were getting sealed on March 26 and I knew if I had about a week to recover I'd be able to go. Also, the midwife on call until Monday was the midwife who started the clinic, has the most experience in midwifery, and whom I know the best and have the most trusting relationship with. The midwife on call starting Monday was one I'd only met once and was hesitant about. While I'm sure she's fully trained and qualified she's definitely younger than me, and between the two of us being very shy we just didn't connect well.
I had been sincerely praying for patience all week. I didn't want to end my pregnancy in a foul mood, so each morning I'd pray, opening the prayer and continuing it throughout the day, and close it at night. I also asked for help in just trusting that things were going the way they were supposed to regarding my pregnancy, and that they'd continue that way. Everyday I'd ask for comfort, to know that whatever was to happen was His will. Still trusting and practicing patience, I decided to naturally see if we could speed things up, and came up with a successful formula. :) The first step involves a bit of privacy with one's spouse, followed by some serious curb-walking. I did this on the night of my last midwife appointment, roping my mom into a mile of curb-walking with me (at 11 pm! Going in the dark is a must!) and then contracted all night long. I woke up and had contractions all day on Friday, also losing my plug at some point that morning. I decided if I had that much progress I was going to do that every day until the baby came.
Because I had been contracting all day I was a little bit suspicious that labor would start that night so following a family dinner at Winger's, (I had been craving a sticky finger salad and knew that it just might be our last chance for a while to go to dinner) Jess and I took the kids to his parent's house for a sleep-over. We came home, tested our formula again and came home somewhat frustrated because my contractions weren't getting stronger. We decided to just let it go, play some Wii, then go to bed. After Jess went to bed I couldn't sleep so I packed a bag, showered, and got the cameras ready, just in case. I laid down again at about 1 AM, and had started to doze off when my contractions really picked up and became painful. At 1:20 AM I got back up, surprised at how quickly they became stronger. At 1:27 I called the midwife, Suzanne, to let her know that this baby might be coming tonight. She asked me several questions and together we decided to have me come in and get checked, just in case, and to get an IV started if it was real labor. (I tested positive for group B strep and would need to have IV antibiotics during labor, and they aren't effective unless the first dose is flushed through at least 4 hours before the baby passes through the birth canal, so we were both being cautious). She said, "Well, come in and we'll check you're progress and get the IV started, and then you can go back home."
Since I was sent home from the hospital when laboring with Jayci, I was hesitant to go in. I REALLY did not want to be sent home, so I went and laid back down. My contractions were intensifying fast, and about 1:45 I nudged Jess and said, "Time to GO!" He didn't really believe me, rolled over, and went back to sleep. Before waking him up again, I thought I better actually time the contractions for a bit. The were coming 3 minutes apart and lasting over a minute long, some as long as 2 minutes, each one getting more intense. 2 AM: I nudged (HIT) Jess and said, "Get up, It's really time!"
As we got dressed and threw things together my contractions got to the point I couldn't walk or talk through them, which slowed us down a bit.
(Ready to go. I'm really wishing I didn't go to bed with wet hair, ewe!)
Since I was sent home from the hospital when laboring with Jayci, I was hesitant to go in. I REALLY did not want to be sent home, so I went and laid back down. My contractions were intensifying fast, and about 1:45 I nudged Jess and said, "Time to GO!" He didn't really believe me, rolled over, and went back to sleep. Before waking him up again, I thought I better actually time the contractions for a bit. The were coming 3 minutes apart and lasting over a minute long, some as long as 2 minutes, each one getting more intense. 2 AM: I nudged (HIT) Jess and said, "Get up, It's really time!"
As we got dressed and threw things together my contractions got to the point I couldn't walk or talk through them, which slowed us down a bit.
2:15 AM- We were loaded and ready
2:25 AM- We arrived at the birthing center
(if I remember correctly, we only had to run one red light!)
Suzanne and the 2 student midwives on call were there and ready, since they had just finished with a birth. They took me to the birthing room, checked me (dilated to 5, 90% effaced), and left me alone to change into my robe while they got the IV ready. While they were doing that I had the urge to use the bathroom. Sitting on the toilet through contractions felt good and effective so I sat there alone for awhile, and then went out to get my IV, which had to be done in between the contractions that were practically coming right on top of each other, so it took longer than I expected. All I wanted was to go soak in the hot, jetted tub that was being filled.
3:15 AM- Labor in the water began
(I asked Jess to take an appropriate picture of laboring in the tub and was surprised later, as I looked through our pictures, to see the bird's eye view of my naked pregnant body, wearing only a sports bra, floating in the tub. I cropped it, obviously.)
Words don't adequately describe my experience from this point on, but I will try. Laboring in the water began somewhat peaceful. Jess held his ipod behind my head, while Enya blasted in my ears. I wanted to tune everything and everyone out, and only focus on keeping my body relaxed. I remember feeling grateful through those first contractions in the water because the water surrounded my belly, back, and pelvis. I had my head resting on the back of the tub and just let the rest of my body float, letting the hot water do it's work to relax the pains in my back, while my uterus pushed this baby lower and lower.
The peace lasted only a few minutes before the contractions became too intense. They were coming back to back, with no time to breath or relax in between and after being in the tub about 20 minutes I started to feel the baby's head on my coccyx. I could feel the pressure, which basically felt like my body was preparing for a large bowel movement. Enter: the transition phase.
My mind left my body. My body completely took over. I could no longer make any mental calculations, decisions, or even organize a thought. This is the point where women typically scream, "I can't do it anymore!" I was typical. Then the midwives smile and knowingly say, "You are almost done!" My body was in charge, and I let it be. God made my body; he made it capable of doing this and in that moment there was nothing I could have said or done differently that would have made my body work more effectively. It was surreal, truly an out of body experience that was completely experienced and felt within the body. I know that doesn't make sense in words, only something that makes sense with experience. To describe it a little bit better, it was like I was in someone else's body, able to feel everything that the body was feeling, but unable to have any control over the body. (This includes vocal chords. They were out of my control!)
Pushing was definitely more intense than I was prepared for. Several of my friends who shared their experiences said that they were just so glad to be near the end, so glad to proactively be getting their baby out, that they didn't remember it being extremely painful. Each experience is unique, and everyone feels things in a different way I guess, because in my case this was false. Pushing was the most intense experience of my life! My throat was raw and hoarse afterward from grunting and hollering up a storm. I definitely surprised myself with how much I yelled and hollered! By nature, I'm quiet and introverted, so I didn't think I'd be a yeller. I was glad that our prenatal teacher had said, "There's no one right way to have a baby. Some women are silent through labor, while others yell and scream, and only she knows what is right for her body." I was glad she said that for Jesse's sake as well because he definitely had never seen me like that.
Each push would leave me exhausted and frustrated. I would push as hard as I thought I could and then reach down and feel my progress, only to feel his head still inches from crowning. My midwife checked and I hadn't fully dilated, but I was definitely feeling strong urges to push. She tried to stretch my cervix the rest of the way open but I could only handle that for a few seconds. With everything else that was going on in my body, that was just one too many so we just let his head stretch through the last centimeter. She had me change positions so I was sitting up sideways, with my feet getting leverage on the side of the tub, allowing more gravity to be on our side. I also remember feeling frustrated because I'd feel progress with each push and then when the contraction was over I'd feel his head back up a little bit. I remember after one particularly hard push, when he had begun to crown (I could feel his squishy head during the push), I let my bottom relax on the bottom of the tub and I felt his head go back in a few inches. I looked at my midwife, almost crying, and said, "I just pushed him back in!" She was calm and reassuring, and told me that was good, that my body was letting him slowly stretch me open.
On paper, the midwife recorded that I pushed for 8 minutes. Maybe it's because of the intensity of pushing, but this surprised be. I definitely felt like I was pushing for longer. The whole experience went by extremely fast, but I did feel like I pushed for longer than 8 minutes. I really don't know how someone can labor naturally for hours on end, and then have the strength left to push for long periods of time. I really got lucky with how quickly things went. I had arrived at the birth center just an hour and a half before he was born. As I was pushing his head out, Sandi, one of the student midwives, kept telling me to lower my voice (not in volume, but in pitch). I could feel my body stretching and burning. I knew I was tearing, I could feel it, so controlling my voice was easier said than done, but when I was able to lower my tone, my pushes were significantly more powerful.
My body tore open. I was on fire, and with that fire came a head. I felt a slight relief and knew I was between head and shoulders. One more huge push and mighty roar as the midwife scooped out my baby boy and rested him on my chest.
I delivered the placenta and was stitched up (had a 2nd degree tear up my previous episiotomy scar) while nursing my baby, then we all got to love and hold him. I was able to get up on my own and pee on my own, something foreign to me after having 2 epidural births. That was one of my favorite parts of a natural birth. I didn't have nurses holding my arms and hovering around while I tried, with the dooming threat of a catheter if unsuccessful, to go pee.
2:25 AM- We arrived at the birthing center
(if I remember correctly, we only had to run one red light!)
Suzanne and the 2 student midwives on call were there and ready, since they had just finished with a birth. They took me to the birthing room, checked me (dilated to 5, 90% effaced), and left me alone to change into my robe while they got the IV ready. While they were doing that I had the urge to use the bathroom. Sitting on the toilet through contractions felt good and effective so I sat there alone for awhile, and then went out to get my IV, which had to be done in between the contractions that were practically coming right on top of each other, so it took longer than I expected. All I wanted was to go soak in the hot, jetted tub that was being filled.
3:15 AM- Labor in the water began
(I asked Jess to take an appropriate picture of laboring in the tub and was surprised later, as I looked through our pictures, to see the bird's eye view of my naked pregnant body, wearing only a sports bra, floating in the tub. I cropped it, obviously.)
Words don't adequately describe my experience from this point on, but I will try. Laboring in the water began somewhat peaceful. Jess held his ipod behind my head, while Enya blasted in my ears. I wanted to tune everything and everyone out, and only focus on keeping my body relaxed. I remember feeling grateful through those first contractions in the water because the water surrounded my belly, back, and pelvis. I had my head resting on the back of the tub and just let the rest of my body float, letting the hot water do it's work to relax the pains in my back, while my uterus pushed this baby lower and lower.
The peace lasted only a few minutes before the contractions became too intense. They were coming back to back, with no time to breath or relax in between and after being in the tub about 20 minutes I started to feel the baby's head on my coccyx. I could feel the pressure, which basically felt like my body was preparing for a large bowel movement. Enter: the transition phase.
My mind left my body. My body completely took over. I could no longer make any mental calculations, decisions, or even organize a thought. This is the point where women typically scream, "I can't do it anymore!" I was typical. Then the midwives smile and knowingly say, "You are almost done!" My body was in charge, and I let it be. God made my body; he made it capable of doing this and in that moment there was nothing I could have said or done differently that would have made my body work more effectively. It was surreal, truly an out of body experience that was completely experienced and felt within the body. I know that doesn't make sense in words, only something that makes sense with experience. To describe it a little bit better, it was like I was in someone else's body, able to feel everything that the body was feeling, but unable to have any control over the body. (This includes vocal chords. They were out of my control!)
Pushing was definitely more intense than I was prepared for. Several of my friends who shared their experiences said that they were just so glad to be near the end, so glad to proactively be getting their baby out, that they didn't remember it being extremely painful. Each experience is unique, and everyone feels things in a different way I guess, because in my case this was false. Pushing was the most intense experience of my life! My throat was raw and hoarse afterward from grunting and hollering up a storm. I definitely surprised myself with how much I yelled and hollered! By nature, I'm quiet and introverted, so I didn't think I'd be a yeller. I was glad that our prenatal teacher had said, "There's no one right way to have a baby. Some women are silent through labor, while others yell and scream, and only she knows what is right for her body." I was glad she said that for Jesse's sake as well because he definitely had never seen me like that.
Each push would leave me exhausted and frustrated. I would push as hard as I thought I could and then reach down and feel my progress, only to feel his head still inches from crowning. My midwife checked and I hadn't fully dilated, but I was definitely feeling strong urges to push. She tried to stretch my cervix the rest of the way open but I could only handle that for a few seconds. With everything else that was going on in my body, that was just one too many so we just let his head stretch through the last centimeter. She had me change positions so I was sitting up sideways, with my feet getting leverage on the side of the tub, allowing more gravity to be on our side. I also remember feeling frustrated because I'd feel progress with each push and then when the contraction was over I'd feel his head back up a little bit. I remember after one particularly hard push, when he had begun to crown (I could feel his squishy head during the push), I let my bottom relax on the bottom of the tub and I felt his head go back in a few inches. I looked at my midwife, almost crying, and said, "I just pushed him back in!" She was calm and reassuring, and told me that was good, that my body was letting him slowly stretch me open.
On paper, the midwife recorded that I pushed for 8 minutes. Maybe it's because of the intensity of pushing, but this surprised be. I definitely felt like I was pushing for longer. The whole experience went by extremely fast, but I did feel like I pushed for longer than 8 minutes. I really don't know how someone can labor naturally for hours on end, and then have the strength left to push for long periods of time. I really got lucky with how quickly things went. I had arrived at the birth center just an hour and a half before he was born. As I was pushing his head out, Sandi, one of the student midwives, kept telling me to lower my voice (not in volume, but in pitch). I could feel my body stretching and burning. I knew I was tearing, I could feel it, so controlling my voice was easier said than done, but when I was able to lower my tone, my pushes were significantly more powerful.
My body tore open. I was on fire, and with that fire came a head. I felt a slight relief and knew I was between head and shoulders. One more huge push and mighty roar as the midwife scooped out my baby boy and rested him on my chest.
This was the most unforgettable moment out of this whole experience. The drastic opposites I felt within seconds....words just don't adequately describe it. Tick...my body's on fire, I'm yelling and screaming my way through my own hell, I'm trapped in this body, fully able to feel every pulse and pain.....Tock...I feel my baby slip out, dimming the fire to a gentle sting, feel his warm body on my chest, watch in awe as he takes his first breath and sees the world for the first time. I can't help but kiss and kiss his wet, squishy head. Heaven has arrived on earth. I did it.
I just held and loved my little boy while everyone helped me out of the tub and onto the bed. He nursed like a champ right away. It was a sweet moment for me to realize the divine connection we had to each other. God made my body completely able to bring him into the world. I didn't need practice or training, my body just knew what it was doing. God made my sweet baby completely able to eat. He didn't need any practice or training, his body just knew exactly what to do and did it. Clearly we are in the care of a loving Father who knows what he is doing.
I delivered the placenta and was stitched up (had a 2nd degree tear up my previous episiotomy scar) while nursing my baby, then we all got to love and hold him. I was able to get up on my own and pee on my own, something foreign to me after having 2 epidural births. That was one of my favorite parts of a natural birth. I didn't have nurses holding my arms and hovering around while I tried, with the dooming threat of a catheter if unsuccessful, to go pee.
He refused to straighten his legs so the midwives had to flip him over to get his length.
I think my first words after he came out were, "Oh, he's chubby!" (followed by, "Jess, I don't think I can do that again!", which 2 weeks later I take those words back!) I could tell he was definitely bigger than Jack and Jayci were. He had 2 whole pounds on Jayci and one on Jack. I hold some pride that I delivered an 8 pound baby naturally!
Final birth stats:
8 lbs, 4 oz
21 inches
beautiful, healthy, perfect
The midwives finished up and left at 5 AM. My mom followed shortly afterward, leaving Jess and I alone to rest with our brand new baby. Jess got to hold and rock him while I slept for a little while. We stayed just long enough for Grandma and Grandpa to come visit and let the kids meet their new brother.
Jack and Jayci showed their true colors upon arrival, when Jayci (little mother) marched right up and tried to hold him on her own, while Jack climbed on the bed to snuggle with me for a bit before he took much interest in the baby. He was worried about me and said, "We brought you a special drink (Jamba Juice), It will help you feel better!"
From their first meeting they've loved him and have adjusted remarkably well. I'm the mother of 3 amazing children!
Final birth stats:
8 lbs, 4 oz
21 inches
beautiful, healthy, perfect
After they left, Jess and I packed up and arrived home at 11 AM. It truly was an unforgettable whirlwind of an experience.
My joy is full.
22 comments:
Wow...that was incredible to read. I have absolutely no desire to go through that. That is amazing. Well done, Jill.
Alexander is beautiful.
CONGRATS!!!! What a cute little guy!! It's so aweseom to read other peoples stories who have done it naturally too. It totally brings back the whole experience for me, which I LOVED!!! Congrats on doing it on you own!!!!!! WAHOOOO!!!! I wanna come see that little guy!
What a beautiful story and a beautiful little boy! Congratulations.
Wow Jill, I'm so amazed at all of that! I have such a respect for people who have natural births--but I don't think I ever want to go through it myself. Especially since I tend to give birth to gigantic babies (Ava was 9lbs 12 oz). Yeah, epidural PLEASE! :) He's such an adorable baby! Congrats!!
Jill! What an amazing story--it brought me to tears! I'm so proud of you and so happy that you could have such a beautiful, empowering experience. Yeah for natural birth!!!!!
jill you are seriously amazing! I am so glad you shared that--what an incredible journey. I am so happy for you and your family! Congrats!
p.s. Alexander could not be more adorable!!!
Sorry Jill-- I left the comment in Kyle's account. (don't want to freak you out) :)
Jill, I loved reading your story -- thanks for all the details! Congrats on such an awesome birth. I am so happy it worked out so well. It definitely brought back some memories for me too (especially the "I am never going to do this again" feeling). Glad you had a good experience and Alexander is beautiful.
Congrats you guys! He is so adorable! You are superwoman! Reading this gave me anxiety. You are amazing to do it naturally. I enjoyed reading your story. Hope you guys are doing well. Can't wait to meet him. Love you guys!
I loved reading your documentation of his birth. It was so beautifully written. What a woman you are. I really don't think I would have the stamina to do that. I'm so proud of you. He is so beautiful and so perfect! I hope you're adjusting to 3 better than I did!!! ;-)
Congrats!!
I have been waiting to hear your story. I can't believe you delivered him naturally! That is amazing! He is so adorable. I'm so excited for you and your family. Congratulations!
I'm so glad everything went well! You are a beautiful, strong woman who probably feels like she can handle anything life throws at her...You did it! I'm one of those people on the fence about a natural birth. Part of me wants to do it, and the other part is screaming that I'm crazy :) I'm so glad it was everything you hoped for. I can't wait to see him.
that story is amazing. Congratulations. He is beautiful!
Congratulations!
I'm impressed with the whole "natural" birth thing...I don't think I'll ever try it & the twins wouldn't be a good place to start:)
So if I read this right you didn't even spend the night at the birthing center? I hope they only charged by the hour:):):)
Jill,
Thanks for sharing this beautiful moment. You are an amazing woman! I love you so much! Thanks for being such a great Mommy to 3 beautiful babies.
I enjoyed reading your experience! It sounds a lot like my last birth experience except it was at home instead of a birthing center. It really is amazing how our bodies just kind of take over and go into auto pilot during natural birth. Congratulations to you guys and I can't wait to see the little guy. By the way some of those pictures look just like Jack :0)
I happened to notice your update last night while dinner was simmering and was immediately engulfed in it. This post about Alexanders birth is so beautiful. It made me cry. I remember how intense but also how incredible the whole experience is. Jill you have so much strength and are so amazing. What a perfect example to Jaci. You showed her that if you want something enough and you do your part, the lord will bless you and together achieve miracles. It's such an empowering experience to let your body do what it was created to do. Birth stories, especially natural birth stories make me get so emotional. In a way its really a spiritual event. The pain and pressure is so great but so worth it for the little one that you love. It's a stretch but I like to compare it to the Savior in the garden and the pain He endured so that we might live.
You have such a darling little one and you look gorgeous in your photos. I'm just so overjoyed and full of happiness for you, Jill you did it! Hope your healing quickly, let me know when your up for a visit and I'll bring some corn muffins or home made applesauce.
Love, ~Gwendolyn Fullmer~
Jill you are amazing! This post brought tears to my eyes. Alexander is such a doll. I need to see him again soon!
WOW! what an amazing birth story. Good job mama!
That is crazy! Thanks for sharing. Congratulations!!! :)
Congratulations! Very well documented. I wish I would have been more thorough with describing the births of my babies.
I hope you are all adjusting well.
Wow, that was amazing to read! It was like reading the last few intense pages of a book. I'm am so amazed that you did that. You are my hero! Those pictures were incredible and almost brought me to tears. He is absolutely adorable! Congrats!
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